Things NOT to Read While Pregnant

1.) We Need to Talk About Kevin.

This is one of my favorite audiobooks and, upon listening to it for the second time over the past few days, and I pretty much certain that my zygote is a sociopath and will grow up to murder Tim, Finch and possibly a busload of school mates in order to win my affection, and there's not an effing thing I can do about it/

2.) Any pregnancy book. There's at least a 50% chance they will contain this bit of wisdom:

"About 1 in 50 babies is born with hermaphroditic features, such as females with internal gonads or males that will eventually grow female-like breasts."

Great. I guess we'll just name the baby Erin/ Aaron, Alex or Lee/Leigh.... something that can swing both ways.

3.) Baby name books.

By reading this, you will find out that the name you've always dreamed of giving your daughter means "extremely fertile, from the fertile valley" or "not revered in battle."

May she practice safe sex and firearm safety.

I will stick to reading Calvin and Hobbes while I'm on the potty.

The end.